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By Rodrigo Santos Andrade
Sex after baby: How childhood trauma can get in the way
visibility comment0 event October 29, 2026 timer 09:22
Past trauma can amplify the difficulties, sexual or otherwise, that arise after having a baby.
Why do some parents have more sexual difficulties than others after having a baby? Childhood trauma plays a significant role, amplifying the other factors at play.
Having a child brings its own set of challenges for couples. On top of the physical, emotional and relationship adjustments that come with parenthood, parents also face changes in their sex lives. In particular, many report less frequent sex and lower sexual satisfaction. Although these difficulties are common among parents, they can still cause distress.
So why do some parents struggle more than others? To find out, we studied 437 couples who had resumed sexual activity (kissing, caressing or penetrative intercourse) after the birth of their child. We wanted to determine whether childhood trauma, such as neglect, abuse or bullying, was linked to lower sexual satisfaction, and whether feeling understood, accepted and supported by one’s partner could act as a buffer.
According to biopsychosocial models, sexual well-being after childbirth depends on a combination of biological factors (such as hormonal changes and breastfeeding), psychological factors (such as postpartum depression) and relational factors.
But experiences that predate parenthood by many years can also affect how people adjust during this period. Childhood interpersonal trauma can make the transition to parenthood harder, partly because of its psychological, relational, and sexual effects.
Studies also show that people with a history of such trauma have more sexual difficulties as adults, including lower sexual satisfaction.
Why feeling understood matters
Our study shows that this link also holds for couples after childbirth. Feeling understood by one’s partner is one of the key ingredients of intimacy in a relationship.
This goes beyond simply being listened to. It means feeling that your partner knows and understands who you are, values and respects your abilities, personality and opinions, and is attentive and willing to meet your needs; for example, by supporting you through hard times. Researchers call this “perceived partner responsiveness.”
Many studies show that people who see their partner as more responsive report greater relationship and sexual satisfaction, including after childbirth.
Our findings suggest, however, that trauma can interfere with this process. Parents with a history of trauma find it harder to feel understood and accepted by their partner, which in turn lowers their sexual satisfaction. This holds for both mothers and fathers.
Lingering trauma
Consider Anya and Robin, whose baby was born four months ago. As a child, Anya witnessed physical violence between her parents. Robin was emotionally neglected.
They started having sex again a few weeks ago. But Anya worries that Robin is eager to get things back to “the way they were” and that he isn’t paying enough attention to what she’s going through or what she needs during sex.
Because she grew up in a violent home where she felt neither safe nor heard, Anya is especially sensitive to feeling pressured or having her needs overlooked. As a result, she enjoys these intimate moments less and less.
Robin, meanwhile, is struggling to adjust to their new roles and feels that their relationship is taking a back seat. He worries that it’s slipping, but feels that Anya sometimes brushes off his concerns, which brings back childhood memories of feeling unimportant and unheard. For him, sex is a way to feel close to Anya, so he, too, is less satisfied.
This example illustrates that after childbirth, feeling that one’s partner is responsive is key to reconnecting. It also shows how easily that feeling can be undermined, especially for people with a history of trauma. These parents may find it harder to express their needs and may need their partner to be particularly attuned to them.
Paying attention
Childhood trauma occurs in relationships where the child is not protected. This can leave people feeling rejected, misunderstood or invalidated. Over time, these experiences are internalized and can shape how people interpret others’ behaviour in intimate relationships, including how responsive they perceive their partner to be.
As a result, trauma survivors may be more alert to signs of rejection and negative interactions in their relationship, and may see their partner as less responsive. The stress of a new baby can amplify these tendencies.
Our findings also suggest that the effects of trauma extend beyond the person who experienced it. Through the couple’s interactions, they can spill over and affect the partner’s sexual satisfaction as well. How responsive each partner is to the other can therefore make a real difference to the couple’s relational and sexual well-being.
Being responsive doesn’t mean always having the right answer. It’s about being attentive and attuned to what the other person is going through. In practice, that can mean listening without interrupting or rushing to offer solutions, checking that you’ve understood (“So what you’re saying is that you feel…”), validating your partner’s emotions even when they differ from yours and expressing your own needs openly and respectfully.
These habits can help both partners feel safer in the relationship and foster intimacy for all parents, especially those with a history of trauma. They can help couples build, and keep, a more fulfilling bond as they adjust to life with a baby.
Elisabeth Lafleur has received funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada (SSHRC) and the Fonds de recherche du Québec (FRQ).Alison Paradis has received research funding from the Canadian Institutes of Health Research (CIHR), the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council (SSHRC), and the Fonds de recherche du Québec (FRQ). She is the director of the Laboratoire d’étude sur le bien-être des familles et des couples (LÉFAC) and a member of the Centre de recherche interdisciplinaire sur les problèmes conjugaux et les agressions sexuelles (CRIPCAS), the Équipe Violence Sexuelle et Santé (ÉVISSA), and the Institut universitaire Jeunes en difficulté (IUJD).Natacha Godbout has received competitive funding, awarded on the basis of research project quality, from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council (SSHRC), the Canadian Institutes of Health Research (CIHR), and the Fonds de recherche du Québec. She is a member of the Ordre des psychologues du Québec and the director of the trauma and couple research and intervention unit (TRACE), the Centre de recherche interdisciplinaire sur les problèmes conjugaux et les agressions sexuelles (CRIPCAS), and the EVISSA and SCOUP research teams.
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